beware what you envy…and what demons it will arouse

A Mr. Richard Fader from New Jersey writes:

Dear Olivia LaRosaLaRosa,

I have been exchanging Facebook messages with a nice person who has not been apprised of the highlights of my life since 1975. She recently said that she envied me being a grandma.

I thought that I would be in heaven when I was a grandma. I have not been in heaven.  Oh, often, I have been in heaven when playing with my grandchildren.  It is a unique relationship.  I have never regretted the new life I helped to create way back when I didn’t know what I was doing. I have never regretted the abortion I had to have, either. I had two children already and I was their sole support. I couldn’t take off work to have another baby.  My husband had left us. There was no maternity leave.  I had already-living people to protect.

My grandchildren are my heart. Everything I have consciously done since the birth of my granddaughter in 1993 has been with their long-term benefit in mind.

When people envy me, they do not know that my daughter gave birth to my granddaughter with a man most categorize as seriously mentally ill. My daughter is not well herself.

When my granddaughter was stricken with lymphoma, their first and constant reaction was not to save her life, but to make sure that I couldn’t stop them from letting her die.  She was just 13.

Her brothers, my grandsons, were stricken in more ways than one can imagine. My granddaughter was 5 years older than they, and their little mother. She doted on them.

I stay away now. I do not want anything bad to happen to those two grandsons.

My son has an adorable little son named Julian. Julian is loaded with charisma. He is as sweet as can be. Even-tempered and as reasonable as a two-year-old can be.  He lives on the other side of the continent. I see him when I can.  His mama and daddy appreciate my presence in his life.

Dear Mr. Fader,

Well, it just goes to show ya…

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