Life Events on the Major Stressor Scale c. 2011

2010 Review
January 2010
X’s father becomes gravely ill. X goes to his bedside.
February 2010
Father of X passes away in early February.  X stops looking at me and pretends I am not in the room. I ask him about it and he says that he’s really busy and so on.  I agree. He apologizes for being distracted and I say that I understand.
March 2010
My only aunt passed away after a dreadful illness that left us gasping in horror at her slow, savage demise.  I went to my cousins’ and stayed with them before and after.  I used to send her, “to my Favorite Aunt” cards for decades. Ten years ago, she pointed out to me that she was my ONLY aunt.  We laughed, a lot. My cousin’s son’s wedding was held three days after her death. It was too late to move it.
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
Charly tells me he doesn’t have much time left.
July 2010
X and I go to his mother’s home to see him and to gather his intellectual property on his Project to Enforce the Geneva Conventions.
Charly passes on July 14
August 2010
September 2010
I pointed out to X and my business partner that I had no time to take care of my personal business. Instead of helping me, there was a big fight.
October 2010
My right ankle ceased to function.  I had to get a motel in San Francisco because it hurt too badly to drive the 60 miles home.
November 2010
I need upper dentures.
December 2010
I have ankle surgery on Dec. 1
I have all my upper teeth pulled and an immediate denture inserted on Dec. 6
I came down with a bad case of the flu on Dec. 9

January 2011
  • Recovered slowly from the trifecta of leg surgery, complete upper tooth extraction, and a nasty case of the flu. Whenever the weather was nice, I would walk. 
February 2011
  • My long-delayed trip to see my son and his family in North Carolina finally came about mid-February. It was a nice trip. I had a great time with my little grandson, his mama, and my son. They are always very patient with me when I visit.  Things like this sometimes happen: 
  • Automobile totalled: On the night before my trip back to California, a crazy man came up to my son’s front door. He had crashed into my fortuitously empty, legally-parked rental car and totalled it. It was so badly totalled that it could not be towed by a regular tow-truck. It only had 500 miles on the odometer. I nearly missed my flight home due to the logistical difficulties the next day.
  • Left knee became unusable: This happens to me often, due to an old (football injury) auto accident, or MVA, as they call it in doctorland.  It was excruciating. I did physical therapy at home for a couple of weeks.  When that did not ease the painful stab/ache combo, I sought medical treatment. 
March 2011
  • I broke my nose because my left knee collapsed. I fell on my face.  When I told X what had happened and showed him the foot-wide blood stain on the concrete, he shrugged.  He never asked me how my nose was. 
  • My kneecap was dislocated.  
  • Medical Doctor listened to my knee symptoms and mocked them. My primary physician got me a new specialist within days. I got treatment, but I had now been immobilized by pain for 6 weeks. 
April 2011

  • My knee improved.
  • April 7:  I became terribly ill while on a business trip.  I called X and asked him if I should stay away.  He told me to come home. I drove home. I was violently ill with chills and fever, nausea and vomiting, and excruciating body pain. Two weeks later,  I had to leave home because X, although well-intentioned, was unable to stand the pressure of caring for me.  He made constant noise and saw to my comfort only grudgingly. He should have taken me to the hospital.  Because:
  • I had pneumonia.
  • I had to leave home and check myself into a hotel while running a temperature because X was freaking out, two weeks into my illness. I moved into The Sweetwater Cottage two days later. I was able to pack enough so that I could sleep comfortably, and cook. 
  • I start coughing up blood.
  • I got treatment for my pneumonia, but it would be two months before I appeared normal to those who knew me. It was nice on the property. More than 20 trees adorn the half-acre. The air was filled with birdsong. I felt filled with lead. I slept 16 hours a day.

May 2011

  • X came to the property several days later, changed things around he didn’t like, sat down, leaned back, and asked me what I was cooking him for dinner.  

July 2011

  • Two days before X’s homewarming party, X hired a crew to “trim” the score of trees on the property.  They instead wreaked havoc on them, destroying most of our shade and despoiling an ancient bird habitat home to dozens of species.  I cried.  The next morning, when I awoke, all the birdsong was gone. I cried some more.  
  • Repairing an electrical malfunction cost us four days of preparation time, but X said he was too tired to help me during the three-day run-up to the party. So I did all the shopping, cleaning and arranging by myself.  Anything that X did, he did so grudgingly. The party was a roaring success.  People asked us to have another one.  I asked X if I could hire help for the next one. 
  • Three days after the party, X asked me to help him install a heavy piece of equipment.  His reckless movements resulted in the equipment landing on my left hand.  The first three days were hell.  Then the pain began to subside and I realized that the bones were not broken; they were crushed.  So I wrapped the fingers in adhesive tape, and pressed on.  Typing caused me pain for a couple of months. Knowing me, you know that my life comes out through my fingers and onto the keyboard. 
    August 2011

    • Crushed bones in right hand and wrist. X struck me with a 2×4 while I was holding another 2×4, which crushes bones in my wrist and hand; after which
    • X does not help me even though I can’t use either hand well. When I asked for help, he got peevish. 
    • My relationship with X ends; he says that he doesn’t feel free.   I don’t buy his argument because he is dating 3 other women at the time with my consent and without inconveniencing me. Nevertheless I acquiesce because I have decided that we should not spend time together any more.  It is dangerous to my health.
    September 2011

    • A visit to family reveals that my uncle is dying and some of the people associated with this are out of touch with reality, and I mean that in a bad way.  I worry that one of my relatives is psychotic.  
    October 2011

    • Going crazy still living on X’s property, looked for apartments in a 200-square mile area that will do as far as rent and space.

    November 2011

    • Moving to Oakland apartment, one van-load at a time.  Every day is a better day!  The work is hard, but I am able to organize as I unpack. 
    • Am completing a project that I started in October 2009.
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