The people’s guide to plainguage:
If you supported a war that is costing $2.4 billion a day, you’re a patriot who wants smaller government.
If you oppose the war, you’re a defeatist who wants big government.
Democrats who balance the budget and lower unemployment are tax and spend liberals.
Republicans who run record deficits and crash the housing market are fiscally responsible.
If you chant ‘Drill, Baby, Drill” you are positing an effective and responsible energy plan, science and logic be damned. If you chant “Yes, We Can” you are a mindless automaton.
If you’re a Democrat and you prefer wine over beer, you are an “elitist.”
If you’re a Republican and you prefer a beer heiress over your first wife, you are a “committed family man.”
When you waste a million dollars on just one tomahawk missile you are seeking to SAVE American lives.
When you want to utilize a million dollars for stem cell research you are seeking to DESTROY the American way of Life.
If you’re a Republican, all of your errors and misjudgments are for history to decide.
If you’re a Democrat, all of your errors and misjudgments are for voters to decide.
If you’re a Democrat who has been in the Senate for two years, you are a Washington insider who will only give us more of the same.
If you’re a Republican who has been in the Senate for 26 years, you are a Washington outsider and the candidate for change.
If you’re a Democrat and promise to cut the taxes of 95% of all Americans, you’re raising taxes.
If you’re a Republican (in a state with no state income tax and no state sales tax) and give a $1,200 rebate from oil income to all taxpayers, you’re cutting taxes.
If you are a black you are only voting for Obama because he is black too. If you are white and voting for Obama it is because you have white guilt. If you are not voting for Obama you are patriotic and a proud American.
If you are Sarah Palin, you have no idea what the Bush Doctrine is.
If you are an Iraqi, you know exactly what the Bush Doctrine is.
Jesus was a community organizer.
Pontius Pilot was a Governor.